People always seem a little surprised when I say I don’t watch the Food Network or any of the other foodie channels. I know some of the programming is good, but…it always feels a little silly to me. I know, I know. You probably think I’m a cooking snob or something. But, really, I’d rather spend my time EATING than watching people make food.

And then…there’s this. My brother, Rob, sent me the link. It’s a recipe from Paula Deen on how to make English Peas. Really. Are you ready?

ENGLISH PEAS

Ingredients

1/4 cup (1/2 stick) butter

2 cans (14 1/2-ounces) English peas, drained

Directions

Melt the butter in small pot and add the peas. Cook over medium heat until peas are warm.

Yep, that’s it. But it is the comments that follow that are the most fun. I’ll give you a few of my favorites. You can see the rest on the Food Network website.

Thomas Keller has got to be kicking himself that he did not come up with this fantastic recipe first! You really know your way around the kitchen, Deen!

PERFECTION! This is just like the dish my grandmother always made and I have spent my whole life trying to recreate. Unfortunately she brought it back from the Old Country where they used the metric system and I could just never get the amounts right when I tried to make it myself. Who knew what a challenge combining butter and peas could be.
I am SO GLAD I now know the perfect butter-to-pea ratio is two cans and 1/2 stick! Thank you Paula!

I think I made a mistake. I didn’t know what kind of pot to use, so I did this in my wok on high heat. The butter turned black and the peas started to sizzle. This is definitely not good breakfast food. Can’t you give us a recipe for cereal and milk instead?

Sounds wonderful. I’m not sure I’m up to this level of cooking. Can someone lend me a can opener?

I liked this recipe so much that I doubled it!

Just a half stick of butter? You’re slipping, Deen.

All I am saying, is give peas a chance…..

If these were truly English peas, the recipe would have included making sure that you overcook them till mushy and all “pop” is gone from them. But I liked this recipe anyway. Although I didn’t have any canned peas, so I dug through my freezer for frozen ones. Finding none, and with my butter already melted, I decided to slice up some bananas lengthwise and cook them in the butter, but it needed a little smidge of something, so I dumped half a cup of dark brown sugar in there, which was absolutely lovely, but simply not showy enough, so I tossed in some banana liqueur and a splash of rum. Of course, since I cook on a gas stove, I probably shouldn’t have shook the pan so vigorously because the rum lit on fire and the whole dish burned until all the rum cooked off. But I spooned it over some vanilla bean ice cream and called it good. It was good. Will try Paula’s recipe again in the future (with my modifications, of course!

And my favorite…

What an inspired idea. In a moment of whimsy, I tossed the mixture into my blender. Well, all I can say is I finally achieved whirled peas…

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8 Responses to Why I hate all those stupid food shows

  1. That is great Lynne, thanks for this, I needed a good laugh today! Now, I just have to figure out how to get them to grow inside of a can……….

  2. Susan says:

    Hey Lynne,
    I first saw this “recipe” here! If you really want a good laugh at Food Network, check out this site!
    http://foodnetworkhumor.com/2011/01/ridiculous-food-network-recipe-of-the-week-paula-deens-english-peas/
    Susan

  3. Juliet says:

    Reminds me of the Barefoot Contessa’s “recipe” for raspberry butter…a stick of butter, a jar of raspberry preserves, and a food processor. Seriously?

  4. Helen says:

    HILARIOUS!!!!!!!!!!! thanks for the laugh…

  5. Mueslix says:

    Or, you can focus on the opportunities to learn something new or re-enforce a technique you thought you knew well but weren’t sure. There certainly is useless content but seems extreme to throw it all out. With that negative attitude, you risk discovering the new and thought provoking. Seek to learn. sometimes simple is great.

  6. Lynne,
    Thaks for the excellent entertainment. “Have a little peas with your butter?” Butter makes anything taste good, even old canned peas, and will only English peas suffice for this recipe? I want to get it right.

  7. Jen says:

    I’m a lousy cook. I very much need hand-holding instructions like “put water in pot, turn burner on, put pot on stove”. Deen’s instructions are for idiots like me, and hey, I want to eat English Peas, too!!

  8. Brian says:

    I think the measurements are actually backwards, should be 1/4 cup of peas and 2 sticks of butter really!

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