Why I hate all those stupid food shows

People always seem a little surprised when I say I don’t watch the Food Network or any of the other foodie channels. I know some of the programming is good, but…it always feels a little silly to me. I know, I know. You probably think I’m a cooking snob or something. But, really, I’d rather spend my time EATING than watching people make food.

And then…there’s this. My brother, Rob, sent me the link. It’s a recipe from Paula Deen on how to make English Peas. Really. Are you ready?

ENGLISH PEAS

Ingredients

1/4 cup (1/2 stick) butter

2 cans (14 1/2-ounces) English peas, drained

Directions

Melt the butter in small pot and add the peas. Cook over medium heat until peas are warm.

Yep, that’s it. But it is the comments that follow that are the most fun. I’ll give you a few of my favorites. You can see the rest on the Food Network website.

Thomas Keller has got to be kicking himself that he did not come up with this fantastic recipe first! You really know your way around the kitchen, Deen!

PERFECTION! This is just like the dish my grandmother always made and I have spent my whole life trying to recreate. Unfortunately she brought it back from the Old Country where they used the metric system and I could just never get the amounts right when I tried to make it myself. Who knew what a challenge combining butter and peas could be.
I am SO GLAD I now know the perfect butter-to-pea ratio is two cans and 1/2 stick! Thank you Paula!

I think I made a mistake. I didn’t know what kind of pot to use, so I did this in my wok on high heat. The butter turned black and the peas started to sizzle. This is definitely not good breakfast food. Can’t you give us a recipe for cereal and milk instead?

Sounds wonderful. I’m not sure I’m up to this level of cooking. Can someone lend me a can opener?

I liked this recipe so much that I doubled it!

Just a half stick of butter? You’re slipping, Deen.

All I am saying, is give peas a chance…..

If these were truly English peas, the recipe would have included making sure that you overcook them till mushy and all “pop” is gone from them. But I liked this recipe anyway. Although I didn’t have any canned peas, so I dug through my freezer for frozen ones. Finding none, and with my butter already melted, I decided to slice up some bananas lengthwise and cook them in the butter, but it needed a little smidge of something, so I dumped half a cup of dark brown sugar in there, which was absolutely lovely, but simply not showy enough, so I tossed in some banana liqueur and a splash of rum. Of course, since I cook on a gas stove, I probably shouldn’t have shook the pan so vigorously because the rum lit on fire and the whole dish burned until all the rum cooked off. But I spooned it over some vanilla bean ice cream and called it good. It was good. Will try Paula’s recipe again in the future (with my modifications, of course!

And my favorite…

What an inspired idea. In a moment of whimsy, I tossed the mixture into my blender. Well, all I can say is I finally achieved whirled peas…